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Sibling rivalry the super bowl of family finances

´╗┐You might think that Sunday's Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers, which pits brothers John and Jim Harbaugh against one another as coaches, is all about the game. But what happens on the field might be just the tip of the iceberg for sibling rivalry. What about deep-seated issues like who makes more money? Or who does mom really love best?Sibling rivalry is not just for the sandbox; it can perpetuate into adulthood, too. And in these grownup conflicts, money is usually at the core, experts say."In adulthood, all the issues of childhood can become amplified," says Manhattan psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, author of sibling-focused books like "Cain's Legacy" and "The Normal One.""If a sibling makes more money than you, then they're more successful in the eyes of the world - and maybe your parents, too."Indeed, people tend to keep a close eye on how their siblings are doing financially, according to a 2012 TD Ameritrade survey of Baby Boomers. Some see their siblings doing better financially (20 percent), and others say their siblings are worse off (24 percent). Among the reasons cited for the spread were better jobs, spousal income, kid-free households or a superior education. Salary and the size of one's bank account are not the only money issues that can trip up sibling relationships. Families can be torn apart by issues like inheritance, the cost of caring for elderly parents or loans between siblings. Watch the video - Harbaugh v. Harbaugh: TO COMPETE Money issues between siblings might be behind the worrying numbers uncovered by insurer New York Life in its 2012 Keep Good Going Report, which surveyed more than 2,000 Americans about how they are faring in their personal lives. While relationships with one's children, spouse and parents all got decent marks, relationships with siblings brought up the rear. Respondents only gave themselves a C+ in this area. Sheer competitiveness is a big problem, says Derrick Kinney, a private wealth adviser in Arlington, Texas who has counseled many clients about their gnawing family issues."It's very easy for siblings to try to outdo each other, especially with finances."

It is important to develop a more collaborative relationship and approach your brothers and sisters without an attitude of 'How can I beat you,' Kinney says. That said, it can be supremely difficult to overcome personal wiring, which in many cases, can be traced back to birth order. Over 18 years in the advisory business, Kinney has observed that first-born children tend to be financially successful in life because they don't have as much given to them and must learn to make it on their own. According to one study by, first-borns are the most likely to make six figures annually and hold a C-level CEO or CFO job. Youngest children - who often end up in middle management, according to the CareerBuilder study - tend to be treated more leniently by parents, which can prompt them to rely on the Bank of Mom and Dad, instead of saving independently for goals, Kinney notes. CRINGE-WORTHY DINNER TOPICS The money issues of the 79-million-strong boomer generation are trickling down to their adult children as financially strapped parents find they need extra money for their golden years. Others are busy figuring out how to pass along savings to their kids. That can lead to some unpleasant Thanksgiving-dinner conversation topics: Should inheritance be evenly split between adult offspring, or should it be tailored to individual cases of need?

"If your kids are a corporate lawyer and a public schoolteacher, who obviously don't have the same financial opportunities in life, should you do something to reward the sibling who earns less money?" asks Linda Leitz, a financial planner in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Leitz says it's acceptable to do so, as long as the wealthier sibling is okay with it, Leitz says. In a mature sibling relationship, a richer brother or sister might say voluntarily, 'Look, I don't need all this extra money,'" Safer adds. Those good intentions can also backfire, with the less financially comfortable sibling feeling like a charity case. And when it comes to caring for elderly parents, the solution need not be about money alone. While it is true that one sibling may be more able to shoulder the costs of home care or assisted-living housing, this can be balanced out by other factors."Maybe one sibling might pay the bills and another sibling might go there more often to help out," says Safer.

The best way to work through any of these financial issues with your siblings is not via a series of terse e-mails. Safer recommends in-person family meetings, which will help you better understand your sibling's point of view, minimize misunderstandings, and get everything on the table so you can find solutions together. If geography won't allow face-to-face discussions, it's best to pick up the phone. THE HARBAUGH BOWL The Harbaughs seem to have managed the potential for sibling rivalry fairly well. Both operate on the very public and intense stage of the National Football League."These are two gifted and talented people, who are each playing to their own strengths," says Kinney, who plans to watch the big game on Sunday. "Regular families can function financially at an elite level, too - as long as parents take a leadership role, and set up siblings for success."In fact, for Safer, the most fascinating moment between the brothers has already occurred. It was when John called up a radio station while his parents were being interviewed recently, presented himself innocuously as "John from Baltimore," and asked whether it was true that they had always preferred younger brother Jim."It's hysterical. The two brothers have always denied that there's any rivalry - but I don't buy it for one second. They're human beings, after all," Safer says. For the record, the Harbaugh parents denied any favoritism, and that was before they discovered that the caller was their son John. While coaches don't get cash bonuses for winning the Super Bowl like players do (unless they have incentive clauses in their individual contracts), the victorious Harbaugh will come away with added leverage in salary negotiations: John's contract runs through 2014, and Jim's is up the following year. Whoever hoists the Lombardi Trophy will likely be rewarded with an extension and a raise, just as Tom Coughlin was after his New York Giants won in 2012. But they're not doing too badly as it is. John is making about $4 million a year as coach of the Baltimore Ravens, and Jim makes $5 million with the San Francisco 49ers, according to reports. If there was any tension between the two of them, all those zeroes on their paychecks might help smooth things over.

Sunday british business nov 10

´╗┐LONDON Nov 10 British newspapers reported the following business stories on Sunday:

Sunday Times Green mulls BHS sale as bidders circle A pack of hungry suitors has begun circling BHS in an attempt to lure Philip Green into offloading the struggling department store chain. A New York vulture fund, a South African retail mogul and a number of turnaround specialists are hoping to persuade Green to part with the high street stalwart. Leading the potential bidders is Christo Wiese, South Africa's third-richest man with a fortune estimated at more than 2 billion pounds. Serco in shock profit warning Serco is set this week to cap a turbulent six months with a profit warning that will dismay the City. Ray of hope for M&S Marks & Spencer's embattled chief executive received a fillip this weekend as research commissioned by a Japanese bank showed signs of tentative recovery in its crucial womenswear division. Bank hails rapid recovery The Bank of England is set to lift its growth and employment forecasts this week as Britain enjoys one of the strongest recoveries in the developed world. Top bosses call for Brussels shake-up A powerful alliance of business leaders from across northern Europe - including the chairman of HSBC, the boss of Swedish fashion chain H&M and the head of German food giant Dr Oetker - has urged an overhaul of the European Union. RSA boss to face grilling over Ireland Furious investors will this week confront Simon Lee, the chief executive of RSA, following revelations of a potential scandal in its Irish business that prompted the insurer's second profits warning in 3 days. Kazakh oil giant lines up City float A Kazakh oil company backed by steel tycoon Lakshmi Mittal and the billionaire son-in-law of the country's president plans to launch a 1.5 billion pound listing in London this month. The deal is expected to land Zhaikmunai in the FTSE 250 index of top British companies. Biotech boffins cash in with 400 mln stg hayfever cure Circassia, an Oxford biotech company that is in the late stages of testing a treatment for cat allergies, has opened talks with potential advisors to work on a listing. House of Fraser's speedy sale House of Fraser is pushing ahead with its plans to go public at the beginning of next year. Rothschild's 39 million pound Bumi bonanza Nat Rothschild is in line for a 39 million payday from a controversial deal to unravel Bumi, the troubled Indonesian coalminer he founded 3 years ago. Lloyds eyes bonus from pension caps Lloyds Banking Group is in line for an estimated 400 million pound windfall from a plan to cap the size of payouts from its final salary pension scheme. Pay rises will no longer lead to higher pension payouts at retirement under the Lloyds' proposals. Instead, the 35,000 Lloyds employees who are part of the scheme will be paid a pension calculated using their current salary. Frank Warren in public bout Sports promoter Frank Warren plans to float Box Nation, the cable television station devoted to boxing that he set up 2 years ago. Sunday Telegraph Energy bills could fall by 7 percent Britain's energy giants are to offer to cut bills by up to 7 percent if the government agrees to remove the cost of multi-billion pound green schemes. BAE CEO denies 'pressure' over yards The chief executive of BAE has denied that the decision to close the shipbuilding yard at Portsmouth and concentrate production on the River Clyde was due to government pressure. Vodafone to spend 1 bln stg upgrading UK network Vodafone is to increase its capital investment across the UK to more than 1 billion pounds as it seeks to upgrade its mobile network across London by boosting capacity.